1. You are the twinkle of my eyes;
The smile on my lips;
The joy of my face;
Without you I am incomplete.
2. Last night I matched each star with a reason for loving you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.
3. God is wise when he did not put a price tag on you darling. If he did, I won’t be able to afford to have a boyfriend (girlfriend) as precious as you.
4. Darling, if you are the second best girl for me, then who is the best? The answer is nobody, because you will always be the best girl for me.
5. My heart for you will never break. My smile for you will never fade. My love for you will never end. I love you!
6. When you need someone to be there for you, I’d be just sitting right beside you.
7. You give me joy, you give me hope. You give me energy, which helps me cope. I love you darling, more than you love the Pope!
8. I was asked about Newton's law and I said I don't know. I was questioned on the current President of USA and I wasn't sure if it is Clinton or Bush. But when I was asked on who I love, the only answer I can think of, is you.
9. I would never be tired of you even if I am with you all day long. In fact I grow to like you a little more every day. I love you.
10. I would cross a thousand oceans just to hold you tight. I would climb a thousand mountains just to be with you every single night. Darling I miss you so much.
11. I have sent you this sms to tell you that I am thinking about you. I hope that this 1 minute of messaging will help convey my 1 lifetime of love.
12. You know I wish I can be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you.
13. I just wanted you to know how very much I care, and that you are always in my thoughts even when I can’t be there. As you can see, you mean so much to me!
14. The only regret I have is not knowing you since the day I was born - so that I will be able to spend my ENTIRE life with you.
15. Set a place for me in your heart and not in your mind for the mind easily forgets but the heart always remembers. I love you. Muacks.
16. All day long, I hear people talking out loud. But when you talk to me, your sweet voice drowns out the crowd! I miss you.
17. I finally got my past, present and future tenses correct today. I loved you. I love you. I will love you forever! :)
18. Sending you my bed to let you rest, pillows to give you comfort and my blanket to keep you warm. I can't sleep now coz' I've lent you all my things already. Goodnight! I love you.
19. I’m enthralled by your beauty, mesmerised by your charisma and spellbound by your love. No wonder I am always thinking about you.
20. If you were to check my handphone one day, you will realise that yours will be the one and only name that appears in my inbox, sent messages and dialed numbers folder. Cos anything associated with you, is just too precious to be deleted away.
21. If you wake up 1 day & were asked to have a wish, what would it be? Mine would be that our love would last until you see an apple in an orange tree =)
22. I miss the laughs I used to get from you, I miss the talks we used to have. And above all, I just miss YOU! (",)
23. To the world, you may be one person.
But to me, you are the world!
24. Darling, the more I think of you, the more I miss you. The more I miss you, the more I think of you. I love you.
25. My dear _____, you are to me, all that a woman should be. I love you endlessly.
26. Dear _____, I think of you every second I am awake and dream of you every minute I am asleep. I love you.
Who wants to become a dating genius and attract the opposite sex like bees to honey?
Mar 16, 2011
In Love with Someone Attached
Dear Dr. Love,
I was recently heartbroken because my friend, whom I had feelings for, is now in a relationship with someone I know. She says that she doesn't love him, but she likes him. I had already told her that I love her, but she said that she only sees me as a friend. We were intimate in the past, but she says that's only because she liked me a little bit, and she only saw me as a friend. But for some reason, my mind tells me to still go after her.
After all, she doesn't love him, and it's only been six days since they've been together. She said the relationship is still unstable, and it's still weak. What should I do? My heart tells me to go after her despite the fact that she doesn't feel the same, but if there is any glimmer of hope..... I love her so much. The whole thought of being without her makes me sad. What can I do?
Lee3d
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Dr Love's Reply:
Dear Lee3d,
It's a little strange that a new relationship is unstable, because relationships are usually strongest when they first begin. But since she told you that her relationship is not steady yet, I suppose there's a chance that she may fall in love with someone else who catches her eye. I can understand that you love her very much, and in such a case it may be worthwhile to give a try. Ask her out for a meal or coffee, and tell her again how much you love her and ask her why she thinks you are not suitable as her boyfriend. She may have her own special reasons why she chose him instead of you. But do not appear too desperate, because girls don't like guys who are "hungry and desperate".
If she persistently rejects you, don't despair. She's not the only girl in this world. Give yourself some time to get over her, and move on. I'm sure there are many other girls who are suitable for you once you start looking. It'd be helpful to attend all your friends' outings, parties and other social functions to increase your
opportunities of finding your dream girl.
All the best.
It's a little strange that a new relationship is unstable, because relationships are usually strongest when they first begin. But since she told you that her relationship is not steady yet, I suppose there's a chance that she may fall in love with someone else who catches her eye. I can understand that you love her very much, and in such a case it may be worthwhile to give a try. Ask her out for a meal or coffee, and tell her again how much you love her and ask her why she thinks you are not suitable as her boyfriend. She may have her own special reasons why she chose him instead of you. But do not appear too desperate, because girls don't like guys who are "hungry and desperate".
If she persistently rejects you, don't despair. She's not the only girl in this world. Give yourself some time to get over her, and move on. I'm sure there are many other girls who are suitable for you once you start looking. It'd be helpful to attend all your friends' outings, parties and other social functions to increase your
opportunities of finding your dream girl.
All the best.
Overcoming Shyness
Dear Dr Love, About 3 years ago, I was going after girl A when I noticed girl B. I was crazy about girl A so I wasn't really interested in girl B yet. Some time later, I gave up on girl A and was pretty sad or even emotionless for a few months. Slowly, I started to develop a crush on girl B. In fact, I can feel that girl B had some interest in me. Also, a friend of mine told me that girl B said she likes my eyes which only strengthens my belief. By the way, I started liking girl B about 2 years before graduating from secondary school. Throughout that 2 years, I did nothing other than chatting a little with her over MSN and attended a barbeque organised by her friends and her (They invited my group of friends). I did something 'retardedly' stupid during the BBQ - When I reached the BBQ, she came up to me suddenly and offered some food to try to which I said 'no thanks' in a very deep and low voice so I'm not even sure whether she heard me. Then I walked off -_-. Isn't that super dumb? Yea it is.. Why did I do that? Even though I like her, I didn't show my interest or worse still, I acted as if I wasn't interested. I think she knows I like her too (thanks to the gossips and rumours in school). So ultimately, there was little contact between us. Now, a year after graduating from secondary school, we went to polytechnics and didn't contact one another at all until recently. About 2 weeks ago, she chatted with me out of nowhere over MSN and we asked one another about general info like school etc but it was a short chat. I was very surprised that she suddenly chatted with me. To be honest, I still like her ever since I first set my eyes on her. Its just that I didn't do anything at all because I was too shy and cowardice. Actually, all the while I still like her but it just kind of 'died down' because I didn't dare to do anything. It was only after that chat that I realised I really really like her. However, though I'm good looking (many girls like me - not flattering myself here ), I am VERY shy in front of girls (especially those that I find pretty). Throughout my life, I have never been comfortable with girls. I'm 18 years old by the way. I have low confidence. I don't know why I am like this. Its like a phobia? I always don't know what to say and sometimes I speak too fast so my words are end up being unclear.. I haven't called or date a girl for more than 2 years. Now, I want to go after girl B but I don't know WHERE and HOW to start. We are not close. Or should I move on? Hope you guys can really give me advice. Thanks. Slacko Dreamz ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Dr Love's Reply: Dear Slacko Dreamz, From what you described, the main problem you have to overcome will be your shyness. As you have told me, you are good looking so probably you will pass in the looks department. However girls are discerning. They are looking for something more than looks. Girls generally appreciate guys who are stable, responsible and humorous. If you are able to make a girl laugh on a date, you are somewhere close to winning the girl’s heart as she feels happy being with you and is truly enjoying herself. They also like guys who take the initiative (so go on and get to know her better) and show that they are in control of the situation. Like what you said if you are speaking too fast when talking to a girl, try changing that. Speak slowly and clearly and the girl will be able to feel your air of confidence. If I were you, I would go with my heart and go after her right now! Tell yourself that you truly like her. It will be too late if she falls for another guy. Remember that you stand nothing to lose but you have everything to gain. A blissful and loving relationship! Do not be afraid of rejection. Continue chatting to her on msn and move on to chatting on the phone. Just ask her casually if she would like to chat on the phone instead and if she’s interested in you, she will be more than willing to oblige. Hopefully after a week or two, pluck up the courage to ask her out on a date 1 on 1. Make this date an enjoyable one and you will be in a very good position to win her heart. |
Long Distance Relationships
Dear Dr Love,
I have a boyfriend of 2.5 years and he left this august for studies in the States. Before he left, the relationship has been fairly stable. I was concerned about the long distance relationship (LDR) and tried discussing with him how he plans to ensure that this works out. Each time, he evaded the topic and said that I should have faith in us. Since he left, I feel that the relationship is maintained unilaterally by me.
I spent a lot of money calling him while he doesn’t. He doesn't take the initiative to email me; he simply replies to the emails I sent. We each set up a blog to keep each other updated about our lives. I update mine, he rarely updates his; he doesn't even read my blog unless I tell him to.
It pains me that he seems to put our relationship at the bottom of his priorities list. I told him I feel neglected, and pleaded that he spare a bit more time for me. He always says he’s very busy. He’s very achievement-oriented and wants a perfect GPA.
I am trying very hard to be understanding. I trust and believe him when he says that he is truly very busy. But it is not fair for me to be there for him if he shows little concern for me. I don't need him to shower me with love, but I need small gestures to show that he still cares for me. I even told him that I could buy him the book “Love Clinic“ as it contains many tips that would make me very happy if he followed them. But he said he already has enough (text)books to read.
Am I'm being fair and reasonable in expecting more care and concern? My girl pals said it is natural for girls to want to be loved. Are all guys so goal-oriented?
I find it very tiring to keep giving and not receiving anything in return. I've asked him whether he wants to be just friends, so that we can have lower expectations of each other. But he does not want to be just friends. I think both of us will be upset if there's a breakup.
I'm really lost. Tell me what you think I should do.
I'm really lost. Tell me what you think I should do.
Crystal
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Dr Love's Reply:
Dear Crystal,
Take comfort in the knowledge that your situation is not uncommon. As I've shared in the book "Love Clinic", entering into a LDR is a tricky situation to face, especially if it's a rather long term one. To maintain any relationship, it takes plenty of commitment and effort from both parties to make it work. It seems to me that there is a huge imbalance in the amount of commitment and effort shown by you compared to your boyfriend. Your boyfriend's apparent lack of motivation to maintain the relationship may be due to a few reasons:
1. Stressful adjustment period
He is facing a new challenge in an overseas country, having to adapt to new surroundings and a foreign culture, so it can be quite stressful for him initially. Hence, he may be unable to shower you with the attention and love that you're expecting. If this is the case, it helps that you're understanding, because this could just be a temporary adjustment phase. To be fair, you may also want to lower your expectations a little (as in, not expecting too much from your boyfriend) because a LDR is more challenging to maintain than a normal relationship.
2. Change of priority
He may have changed his priorities in life, and relegated his relationship with you to a lower priority. In that case he is likely to put all his time into his work, extra-curricular activities and even socialising with this friends, and won't be motivated to find time for you. If this is so, it's up to you to decide if the relationship is worth keeping, because it's likely to deteriorate with time if he's not doing his part to maintain it, such as keeping up with regular communication.
3. Change of heart
Let's hope it's not the case. But if he falls in love with another girl overseas, there's nothing much you can do except to get over him, start afresh and look for someone more deserving of your love.
A LDR is not a death sentence for a relationship. It can work - but only if both parties play their part. If one party is not willing, it may not be worthwhile to hang on blindly.
Hope this helps.
Take comfort in the knowledge that your situation is not uncommon. As I've shared in the book "Love Clinic", entering into a LDR is a tricky situation to face, especially if it's a rather long term one. To maintain any relationship, it takes plenty of commitment and effort from both parties to make it work. It seems to me that there is a huge imbalance in the amount of commitment and effort shown by you compared to your boyfriend. Your boyfriend's apparent lack of motivation to maintain the relationship may be due to a few reasons:
1. Stressful adjustment period
He is facing a new challenge in an overseas country, having to adapt to new surroundings and a foreign culture, so it can be quite stressful for him initially. Hence, he may be unable to shower you with the attention and love that you're expecting. If this is the case, it helps that you're understanding, because this could just be a temporary adjustment phase. To be fair, you may also want to lower your expectations a little (as in, not expecting too much from your boyfriend) because a LDR is more challenging to maintain than a normal relationship.
2. Change of priority
He may have changed his priorities in life, and relegated his relationship with you to a lower priority. In that case he is likely to put all his time into his work, extra-curricular activities and even socialising with this friends, and won't be motivated to find time for you. If this is so, it's up to you to decide if the relationship is worth keeping, because it's likely to deteriorate with time if he's not doing his part to maintain it, such as keeping up with regular communication.
3. Change of heart
Let's hope it's not the case. But if he falls in love with another girl overseas, there's nothing much you can do except to get over him, start afresh and look for someone more deserving of your love.
A LDR is not a death sentence for a relationship. It can work - but only if both parties play their part. If one party is not willing, it may not be worthwhile to hang on blindly.
Hope this helps.
One Sided Love
Dear Dr Love,
There is this girl whom I like on campus. Despite we took the same classes for only about a year, we do not get to communicate much about each other's life other than schoolwork. Even though I only know little things about her, I have come to feel that I would want to spend my time and effort to take the best care of her. But I never got the chance to ask if she also likes me the same.
During the times we were together in school, I did what was in my abilities to help her out. Helping her to work on homework problems, finding her opportunities for vacation internship and even to the extent of spending 3 hours to recover a dear lost item of hers. I have always been the one taking the initiative and she reciprocated by confiding her feelings in me. One day, she told me that she was appreciative of what I have done for her. Having figured out that I wanted to chase after her, she made mention to me that her studies are her priority now.
I declared my liking to her and my intentions to stand by her then. But she felt this would disrupt her plans and suggested for the two of us to stay as friends.
I respected her decision and followed what she intended. Over the next month or so, I realised that the distance between two of us is getting further apart. This can be partially due to us taking totally different classes from one another. When I wanted to catch up with her by meeting up, she would rather not answer to my invitation by keeping silent. The same goes for my subsequent emails to her and phone calls.
Despite being a shy person by nature, I know that she can be a very goal-oriented girl at times and thus be ignorant to a number of things. Yet, I can still get her attention in the past. But her ignorance to me now is starting to get on my nerves. By turning down as many chances to communicate between us, she seems to be setting up her personal defences against me.
All of these have also led me to reflect on whether the time and effort I had foolishly spent on her have of been the slightest bit worthwhile. I have also began to have negative perceptions about her now changed character, up to the extent of suspecting her intentions to have actually use me in the past. All of these thinkings on top of self-destructive thoughts on myself not actually compatible to her in the first place.
One side of me defends her by thinking that she may have problems / other reasons on her side at the moment. The other says that I have already been conned and can be crowned the World's Greatest Idiot should I continue to wait for her (when she meant actually otherwise) until the end of our studies. The latter most possibly came up from her rejection to my declaration and now seeing her not walking her talk.
My declaration to her may most likely be the firestarter leading to the actions set up by her. I feel that I am very much under her Artillary bombardment of ignorant actions. She probably wanted to eradicate me from her maps without having to come face to face with me.
I would really want to hear from her as to whether she meant her words to be focused on her studies now and I still do stand a chance after we graduate. Up till today, she would not want to meet up to talk about this unless the circumstances forced her to. I suppose she does not know the mental torture I am going through now. If she does, she will definitely pick the easy way out for herself by staying away from me for certain. For being considerate has always been her good point. I can only see the colours Black and White now.
Black: I am very much inclined to think to have already lost her to another person whom she may be in better company with right now. Or if she is still by herself, I should be heartless to let her carry her load of goals and desire on her own as part of fulfilling her wishes to be away from me.
White: To believe that the day of her starting a relationship with me will miraculously come. For all the kindness I have done will surely be returned on that very special day.
Please advise.
There is this girl whom I like on campus. Despite we took the same classes for only about a year, we do not get to communicate much about each other's life other than schoolwork. Even though I only know little things about her, I have come to feel that I would want to spend my time and effort to take the best care of her. But I never got the chance to ask if she also likes me the same.
During the times we were together in school, I did what was in my abilities to help her out. Helping her to work on homework problems, finding her opportunities for vacation internship and even to the extent of spending 3 hours to recover a dear lost item of hers. I have always been the one taking the initiative and she reciprocated by confiding her feelings in me. One day, she told me that she was appreciative of what I have done for her. Having figured out that I wanted to chase after her, she made mention to me that her studies are her priority now.
I declared my liking to her and my intentions to stand by her then. But she felt this would disrupt her plans and suggested for the two of us to stay as friends.
I respected her decision and followed what she intended. Over the next month or so, I realised that the distance between two of us is getting further apart. This can be partially due to us taking totally different classes from one another. When I wanted to catch up with her by meeting up, she would rather not answer to my invitation by keeping silent. The same goes for my subsequent emails to her and phone calls.
Despite being a shy person by nature, I know that she can be a very goal-oriented girl at times and thus be ignorant to a number of things. Yet, I can still get her attention in the past. But her ignorance to me now is starting to get on my nerves. By turning down as many chances to communicate between us, she seems to be setting up her personal defences against me.
All of these have also led me to reflect on whether the time and effort I had foolishly spent on her have of been the slightest bit worthwhile. I have also began to have negative perceptions about her now changed character, up to the extent of suspecting her intentions to have actually use me in the past. All of these thinkings on top of self-destructive thoughts on myself not actually compatible to her in the first place.
One side of me defends her by thinking that she may have problems / other reasons on her side at the moment. The other says that I have already been conned and can be crowned the World's Greatest Idiot should I continue to wait for her (when she meant actually otherwise) until the end of our studies. The latter most possibly came up from her rejection to my declaration and now seeing her not walking her talk.
My declaration to her may most likely be the firestarter leading to the actions set up by her. I feel that I am very much under her Artillary bombardment of ignorant actions. She probably wanted to eradicate me from her maps without having to come face to face with me.
I would really want to hear from her as to whether she meant her words to be focused on her studies now and I still do stand a chance after we graduate. Up till today, she would not want to meet up to talk about this unless the circumstances forced her to. I suppose she does not know the mental torture I am going through now. If she does, she will definitely pick the easy way out for herself by staying away from me for certain. For being considerate has always been her good point. I can only see the colours Black and White now.
Black: I am very much inclined to think to have already lost her to another person whom she may be in better company with right now. Or if she is still by herself, I should be heartless to let her carry her load of goals and desire on her own as part of fulfilling her wishes to be away from me.
White: To believe that the day of her starting a relationship with me will miraculously come. For all the kindness I have done will surely be returned on that very special day.
Please advise.
Alphonse
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Dr Love's Reply:
Dear Alphonse,
Thank you for writing in.
After reading the details of your experience, I feel this has been a very one-sided relationship. It seems that you're doing a lot for her, but she's not reciprocating. There are a few possible reasons for this:
1. She's not ready for a relationship, as she really wants to focus on her studies at the moment. Being so goal-driven, she'll probably focus strongly on her career after she graduates as well, or even consider post-graduate studies. Whether you really stand a chance after she graduates, nobody will know. But what's for sure is that you'll be taking a really big risk if you were to wait for her, because the current signs are that she is more academic and career-driven.
2. She doesn't see you as her potential boyfriend. There could be a myriad of reasons for this - she thinks both of you are not compatible, she currently likes another guy... the list goes on. But because you have helped her a lot, she treasures your friendship. Hence, she tries her best not to hurt you with a direct in-the-face rejection by avoiding your advances hoping that you'll understand and make a retreat.
In life, it doesn't mean that when you like someone very much and "come to feel that you want to spend your time and effort to take the best care of her", you must definitely have her as your girlfriend. And it doesn't mean that if you treat a girl very well with all the kindness in the world, she is obliged to love you in return. Well, the world will be simpler if there's such a rule. The most important thing in a relationship is that the love must be mutual. You have tried your best to win her heart, but it's clear that she doesn't like you in the same light.
From what I read of your actions, you seem to be a very nice guy and I'm sure you'll have no problems finding another girl who'll be more suitable for you. It may be difficult for you to see the big picture now, but when you finally snap out of your current rainy dark world, you'll be able to see the beautiful colours of the rainbow. It's time to move on! All the best.
Thank you for writing in.
After reading the details of your experience, I feel this has been a very one-sided relationship. It seems that you're doing a lot for her, but she's not reciprocating. There are a few possible reasons for this:
1. She's not ready for a relationship, as she really wants to focus on her studies at the moment. Being so goal-driven, she'll probably focus strongly on her career after she graduates as well, or even consider post-graduate studies. Whether you really stand a chance after she graduates, nobody will know. But what's for sure is that you'll be taking a really big risk if you were to wait for her, because the current signs are that she is more academic and career-driven.
2. She doesn't see you as her potential boyfriend. There could be a myriad of reasons for this - she thinks both of you are not compatible, she currently likes another guy... the list goes on. But because you have helped her a lot, she treasures your friendship. Hence, she tries her best not to hurt you with a direct in-the-face rejection by avoiding your advances hoping that you'll understand and make a retreat.
In life, it doesn't mean that when you like someone very much and "come to feel that you want to spend your time and effort to take the best care of her", you must definitely have her as your girlfriend. And it doesn't mean that if you treat a girl very well with all the kindness in the world, she is obliged to love you in return. Well, the world will be simpler if there's such a rule. The most important thing in a relationship is that the love must be mutual. You have tried your best to win her heart, but it's clear that she doesn't like you in the same light.
From what I read of your actions, you seem to be a very nice guy and I'm sure you'll have no problems finding another girl who'll be more suitable for you. It may be difficult for you to see the big picture now, but when you finally snap out of your current rainy dark world, you'll be able to see the beautiful colours of the rainbow. It's time to move on! All the best.
Internet Relationships
Dear Dr MMF,
Well I met a girl on the Internet and think I'm in love with her. What should I do?
Meeting someone on the internet is becoming more and more common these days with the use of internet messaging software as well as internet relay chat rooms. Falling in love with someone you met online is also a common phenomenon. We would like you to be aware of the following differences between dating online and dating in person.
Well I met a girl on the Internet and think I'm in love with her. What should I do?
User
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Dr MMF's Reply:
Dear User,Meeting someone on the internet is becoming more and more common these days with the use of internet messaging software as well as internet relay chat rooms. Falling in love with someone you met online is also a common phenomenon. We would like you to be aware of the following differences between dating online and dating in person.
Communication online is only via one modality which is typing out a sentence viewed by the other party on the screen. Someone may sound very nice online but turn out to be otherwise in reality. You also cannot judge her body language and what kind of person she is based on messages she sent to you.
Actions you can do now will include.
1) Apart from talking to her online, ask for her telephone number and progress onto talking on the phone. Build up the comfort level in the communication between the two of you.
2) Request that you and her exchange photographs with each other. At love clinic, we feel that falling in love with a person is accepting the other person as much as one can. In choosing a life partner, it is important to be aware of how the other party looks like and whether he or she is pleasant to your eyes. A photograph also puts a face to the nickname whom you are constantly messaging with.
3) Start off as friends. It is never advised that you should rush into a relationship that fast. She might not have known you enough to consider being more than friends with you.
4) Ask her out on date once you know more about her. By knowing her a little more each day through the many modalities of communication, she will feel increasingly comfortable with you and you will be in a much better position to win her heart. Read our book: Love Clinic for more dating strategies. Good luck!
Communication :- L.O.V.E Rule
COMMUNICATE YOUR WAY TO A BETTER RELATIONSHIP INSTANTLY
- The 4 Golden Rules Of Communication For Couples
The key to a successful relationship is undoubtedly good communication. For a relationship to work, couples must constantly communicate their thoughts and feelings to each other. However, as time goes by, couples lose interest communicating with each other. They run out of topics to talk about and conversations become monotonous. A slight mis-usage of words can easily metamorphose into an argument out of proportion. Couples start losing their loving connection and relationships become a chore rather than an avenue of enjoyment.
In conclusion, always remember these 4 golden rules and communicate with L.O.V.E. This not only cuts down on arguments but also bring both parties closer physically and emotionally.
- The 4 Golden Rules Of Communication For Couples
The key to a successful relationship is undoubtedly good communication. For a relationship to work, couples must constantly communicate their thoughts and feelings to each other. However, as time goes by, couples lose interest communicating with each other. They run out of topics to talk about and conversations become monotonous. A slight mis-usage of words can easily metamorphose into an argument out of proportion. Couples start losing their loving connection and relationships become a chore rather than an avenue of enjoyment.
At Love Clinic, we have 4 golden communication rules which you should always keep in mind. They can be applied to maintain your relationship at its peak and prevent you from losing that important person in your life. To help you remember these rules, we have devised a mnemonic – L.O.V.E, where L stands for Listening, O for Open communication, V for Verbalising and E for Empathy.
Rule #1: Listening You must have gathered from various websites or seminars that the key to effective communication is listening. We couldn’t agree more. If both parties can listen to each other well, they are more likely to understand each other’s ideas and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
How do you train yourself to listen effectively? In the initial stages, communicate with your partner with the same vigilance as if you are clinching a 100 million dollar deal. Listen actively to what he/she has to say, process in your brain the feelings he/she is experiencing and react accordingly. Paraphrase what you have gathered and ask questions to clarify when in doubt. Apply these principles to your every day communication. With practice, you will be able to capture your partner’s feelings even before he or she verbalizes it.
Rule #2: Open Communication The second golden rule for effective communication is to communicate openly and sincerely. Be honest in whatever you say and try not to lie to the other party. Share with each other your thoughts and ideas and update the other party on your every day life. As far as possible, do not hide anything from each other. Share secrets so that the other party will feel that he/she occupies an important position in your life.
If you communicate openly with your partner at a regular basis in an honest manner, it will minimize the likelihood of the other party guessing about what you are thinking or doing and hence, reduce the chances of misunderstandings happening.
Rule #3: Verbalising Thirdly, do not expect your partner to read your mind. Always verbalize your wants and needs to the other party. For example, if you are unhappy about what he/she has done, tell him/her in a tactful way, or else the other party may never know your displeasure. If you really love him/her very much, whisper words of love sweetly into his/her ears.
Through continued verbalization of your thoughts and feelings, a better mutual understanding will develop, which will in turn bring your relationship to greater heights.
Rule #4: Empathy It has been said that the language of love is not words, but meanings. Hence, it is important to try and understand the other party’s feelings when communicating. Appreciate the other party’s ideas, concerns and expectations and try to see things from his/her perspective. If there are conflicting view points, try to put yourself in the other party’s shoes and identify with each other. With more empathy and concern, your partner will feel loved and this will open up new channels for effective communication.
In conclusion, always remember these 4 golden rules and communicate with L.O.V.E. This not only cuts down on arguments but also bring both parties closer physically and emotionally.
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